Why Fear is My Friend (and probably yours too)

I have a friend named Fear, and a couple of frienemies that I’d like to introduce to you today. Their names are Doubt and Anxiety. I know, I know, all the advice out there says to clean house and purge oneself of toxic relationships but we’ve been friends for so long that I wouldn’t even know how to start. We call ourselves the Procrastination Club.

When Anxiety comes over, I spend a lot of time with her. Usually, Doubt shows up pretty quickly too and the three of us sit on the couch discussing the life choices I could make. To calm Anxiety, I back away from the choice that she’s most concerned about. Doubt helps me rationalize why it was a foolish and risky option and by the end of our chat, the three of us are pretty comfortable with our decision to support the status quo.

My Cycle of Fear

Here is my typical process:

• • Wonder about how my life would change if I do “X”
  • Do a little research about how feasible it would be to do “X”
  • Get excited about doing “X”
    • Buy a bunch of books about “X” (Yay! More books!)
    • Search for and perhaps even sign up for a class, course, or program to learn how to do “X”
    • Dream about the amazing changes that “X” could bring to my life.
  • Anxiety helps me realize that the process of obtaining “X” has bigger (scary!) implications
    • Doubt starts wondering about the importance of “X” in my life and I kind of agree with her
    • Procrastinate the next step necessary in the pursuit of “X”
    • Forget why “X” was ever important to me
  • Wonder about how my life would change if I do “Y”…

Aaaaaand, we start the cyclic process again. Now, this is where my friend Fear can step in and shake up my torpor. See, even though Doubt and Anxiety introduced me to Fear, they never let her join our Procrastination Club because Fear sparks action and that’s not at all what our club’s about.

The Voice of Fear

Fear is supremely rational and clever. She has a cold and analytical mind and never coddles me. She pushes me without seeming to do anything at all.

“Don’t want to do your taxes? Fine. Let the IRS come and confiscate your books.”

“Not sure you are ready to work on your next draft? No problem, you didn’t really want to be a writer anyway, and retirement from your day-job is only a few decades away.”

“Nervous about setting up and publishing your website? Don’t sweat it. The opportunity to be featured on another blog with a large audience is probably not for you.”

Fear knows that she’s a powerful force, and she relishes the effect she has when she walks in a room. She’s been around for a long time and has helped many people up out of their lethargy, from cave dwellers wary of venturing out of their holes, to many of us today.

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.

– Dale Carnegie

While for me conquering Fear is never the goal, I do agree that by getting friendly with her I grow my confidence and courage. So when Fear approaches, I look for how her involvement in my life—such as writing a book—can help me enrich my life or meet my goal. She’s not the easiest friend to have, but she has helped me learn and grow time and time again.

Are you acquainted with my friend Fear? How has she helped change your life?