A Writing Journey Update: An Epic Battle in the PitchWars
“You finished a book? Cool! What’s your book about?”
Actual footage of me previously trying to answer this question.
A few weeks ago, I decided to enter my book into the PitchWars Mentorship Contest. It’s a program where writers fight to the death* to win mentorship by someone in the book industry. You and your mentor then crush your book’s soul into its essence and rebirth it as a shining beacon of story, all to attract the attention of a literary agent. Sounds easy, right?
To enter this competition, you must complete a quest fraught with peril. Your quest ends when you acquire the following: a book (your book, dum-dum), a query letter, a synopsis, and lastly, you’ve selected the four mentors you’d like to work with. This quest is not for the faint of heart.
I had my Book in my possession already, but to get it into fighting shape, I slashed 6,000 words from it. Words that I loved, words that defined me. Words like “really”, and “very”, and “just” and “so”. I also turned my fiercest gaze to phrases. Laughing maniacally, I cut and paired gems such as “and then” and “we walked/stood/waited in silence” from the text. When I was done with my butchery, I focused on the next task.
In order to gain a Query Letter, I had to confront a myriad of inconsistent advice and a terrifying Query Shark. I wrote several versions of the query letter and compared it to the examples I liked. Growling and cursing, I tried again. And again. Finally, after many cuts and pastes, I snatched my [almost] final query letter from the screen and gleefully stored it in a folder henceforth known as PitchWars Query Materials.
The next monster to slay was the Synopsis. This sly creature does not run at you with teeth and claws and tails akimbo. Instead, it sings a siren song of the many wonderful things in your story that you should include. Lulled by its encouraging words, you distill your 400-page book into a three-page summary of what happens. Now Synopsis grins and snaps her teeth. Three pages? Try one!
With weary fingertips and a heavy heart, I attacked Synopsis with spell after spell, critical eyes, and many many cups of black coffee. My despair was darker than my JURA could brew. My alchemy and perseverance won and Synopsis was shoved into the folder. Synopsis and Query Letter narrowed their eyes at each other but kept their opinions of the other to themselves.
With three of my prizes won, I now stood at a crossroads with more than 48 (I counted) paths to follow. Of these, which FOUR (ugh really PitchWars?) paths should I choose? Panic set in but I put on my brave face and called down the gods of data for help. I pulled out a spreadsheet and got to work with filters. Once I’d paired out the mentors who would not be receiving my favor, I read the wish list of the remaining mentors and categorized them on my spreadsheet. My ‘Yes’, ‘No’, and ‘Maybe’ categories quickly expanded with ‘Probably not, but maybe’ and ‘Huh, possible’.
With a grim set of my chin, I reclassified my useless categories into 1-5 and sorted the sheet. There, at the top, were my top nine. I whittled and filtered and Twitter stalked. Now I had 6. I drank more coffee and looked up their websites. Aha. The final four, quest complete.
You would think, gentle reader, that with my selection done, and my prizes securely stored in my PitchWars Query Materials I was ready to submit. No indeedy.
My battles with Query Letter and Synopsis had shown me that my Book needed a little more work. Luckily, I had time; the submission window was two days away. I attacked Book with renewed vigor and reviewed Synopsis and Query Letter to make sure they reflected Book’s changes. Now I was ready.
Submission went smoothly. I’d watched the videos, and read the manuscript guidelines. I was prepared for battle. I hit submit and freaked out a little when I realized I’d have to wait three days for the submission window to close. No matter, all was well. I received the confirmation email, I waited with the other tributes, and I stalked the PitchWars blog.
When the sadists who run PitchWars announced that there were 4,272 submissions, my cheeky grin slid. I’m on my toes, I’m ready to fight but I may not get the chance. I’ll let you know, yay or nay, what happens.
If I’m not selected, so be it. Through this quest, I’ve met many worthy tributes- other writers with swords that may be faster and sharper than mine. These people inspire me to be better.
Also, for the first time last night, I was able to tell my friends (during a tipsy video call) what my Book is about. So no matter what happens, I’ve won.
*This post is meant to be satire. No writers (other than myself) were harmed in the making of this silly blog post. Oh, and as an actual writing update, I’m almost to the half-way point on book 2. Woot!
Header photo by Hasan Almasi on Unsplash